30 Day Beach Countdown

Ok, so I started counting down to the beach…somewhere about 80-90 days out from the actual vaca. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for a vacation. I’m not sure if it’s because I genuinely NEED a vacation (I do), or because I’m SO EXCITED to hang out with AWESOME people, or because it’s THE BEACH, or because I get to subsist solely on quesadillas and BUD LITE LIME…it’s probably all of those…but I am way more excited for the beach than I usually am.

However, in preparation for the beach, I’ve been trying to lean out a bit, or at least maintain my current physique (that word makes me sound like a badass, maybe a better description would be ‘current body status’) … and it is NOT going as planned!! For one, I have an extreme case of Adult Senioritis. This is something I’ve just made up. And it doesn’t really make sense, since it’s not like work is ending and I’ll be out for the summer. But in my head, that seems to be the case. All I want to do is summer activities like barbecue, eat bad food, drink margaritas and rum runners and bud lite limes, and play yard games. And yet, I’m at work Monday – Friday, only dreaming of these activities. So when the weekend comes, it’s hard for me to drink water, eat well, and exercise it up. Like I said…all I want to do is eat, drink and play.

I decided I needed something that would keep me in check, so I signed up for group training at my gym (#bestgymever). Knowing that I would have to keep a food diary, and would be working out hard, I thought that would help me stay in line. OMG I couldn’t have been more WRONG. Pretty much as soon as I was starting to track my food, the Stanley Cup Playoffs started. Well, my husband and I have no cable, so we have to go out to bars to watch. And then my teams started losing. So clearly, I drank like a fish and ate wings like a boss. Fail #1. Then, husband and I went on a weekend trip to Chincoteague & Assateague Islands, in VA (you know, with the wild ponies). We had a GREAT relaxing and fun weekend. But it involved fried seafood and mimosas and ice cream sundaes for dinner. So basically the best weekend ever, although clearly not helping me on my goals to fitness before the beach. Fail #2.

When we started the group training program at the gym, we were supposed to write down some goals for ourselves. Mine were drink no more than 2 glasses of wine per week and no other alcohol (fail), stop eating cheese (extra fail), drink 100 ounces of water/day (semi fail). Clearly there is work to be done in the inhaling of food department. However, my lifting goals are going well. I wanted to increase my weight on Turkish Getups, which I’ve been working on diligently, and I wanted to make my way to 25 pushups (real ones) in a row, which I’m SO CLOSE to. So, overall I guess everything isn’t a wash, since at least I’m making strength progress.

I’ve gotta get it together in the nutrition department, though. Unfortunately, as much as it is annoying to hear, it’s incredibly true when ‘they’ say “Abs are made in the kitchen.” For sure they are. And I can tell you they are NOT made at the liquor store, nor at the chinese buffet. But wouldn’t it be AMAZING if they were?!

So, since I’ve been real lazy about blogging as of late, I’m gonna try and up my game in both nutrition AND blogging, and try to keep up my progress as we near beach week. OMG beach week WHERE ARE YOU, I need you now.

Did I mention I want to buy a skim board to use at the beach? Probably a bad idea, as I will most likely end up with a broken something or another, but they are SO FUN.

Here are some pics of my epic fail meals. Not only do these delicious treats keep me from my goals, but they make my body punish me in a hardcore way. I certainly paid in pain for all of these. But sometimes, the pain is worth the snack delight.

 

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Fried clams, fries, and hush puppies…what?!

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Pineapple sundae with almond joy icecream. holy yum.

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Is that a Ledo’s Pizza with sausage and bacon and a gluten free crust?! Yes it is.

The War FOR Gluten

I’m annoyed. This post is a little TMI and full of swearing. Just a little disclaimer.

I’ve posted before about how my dumbass body decided a few years ago to stop tolerating several different kinds of foods. Gluten being one of them. I would get sick. Curled up on the couch moaning in pain sick. I stopped eating gluten, among other things, and I DO NOT get sick anymore. Not ever.

And I didn’t make that decision based on a fad that I heard about on my Facebook feed. I went to the friggin doctor, and he told me I had Non Celiac Gluten Sensitivity. Which was basically like going to the doc’s and having him punch me in the stomach. No more pizza, pasta, paninis, etc, etc…it was saddening. Some people don’t love food. I’m not one of them. I LOVE FOOD. And it loves me back. The doc also told me to cut back on dairy, and to limit processed foods. His reasoning for this? Simply because the human body was made to process certain foods, and weren’t meant for others. He said NOT EVERYBODY has this issue. (Clearly, or everyone would be shitting their brains out all the time, since the American diet is so processed foods heavy.) But obviously, I didn’t make the cut, and got a crap system that only craves meat and veggies and rice and saddness, while I crave pizza with extra cheese, a plate of nachos, and fettuccine alfredo.

So adjusting to this diet has been a serious challenge for me. It literally MAKES ME SAD that I can’t eat things that I like. When I go out to eat it SUCKS that I can only order a very small number of menu items, all the while being terrified that it will make me sick and ruin my time. When I go over a friends house, I’m embarrassed about these issues, and I don’t want to be a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS, telling them they can only serve me meat and veggies….Hello, I can only eat expensive shit, do you still want to hang out?!

So here’s why I’m annoyed:

I’m annoyed for 2 reasons in regards to this video.

1. These idiots clearly don’t double over in pain when they eat gluten, and they have probably just jumped on the GF train to lean town, because IT’S TRUE, cutting gluten out does help you lean out. Just like eating low carb does. Cause gluten is found in a lot of carbs. HOWEVER, the dumb bitch who says RICE has gluten in it is misinformed, because rice is the SAVING GRACE of eating gluten free!!! (cause it’s gluten free, get your facts straight)

I’m not saying this isn’t funny. I love the second guy with the strange creepy cough thing going on. But all of you, stop making gluten free look like such a frivolous thing. Not all of us are trying to get six pack abs (Ok, that’d be awesome, and I clearly do care about fitness, but let’s be honest, if I could eat pizza without feeling like crap all the time, I WOULD DO IT)

Anyhow…

2. Why the eff do I need to know what gluten is to know that it hurts me? Do you ask cancer patients to explain their disease to you? (shut up, I’m not comparing my issue to cancer, IT DOES NOT COMPARE, calm down) Do you ask kids who are allergic to nuts to explain what makes them allergic? No. Because if something doesn’t work inside of you, if you are broken in some way that causes you pain, people aren’t supposed to grill you about it.

Yes, these people had it coming, because they are dumb. However, this attitude towards people who are gluten free is going to permeate throughout society, until everyone assumes that if someone says they are gluten free, they aren’t doing it for health reasons, they are just following a “fad.”

Let me tell you, it isn’t a “fad” that I’m following when I don’t eat gluten. It’s a sad fact of my life that now my body doesn’t WORK PROPERLY.

So, yes, I’m annoyed when being gluten free is referred to as a fad. And I get angry when people assume I’m just trying to lose weight (I usually am ANYWAY, but that’s not the point). And it saddens me to see people posting this video all over Facebook with negative comments about individuals who have to eat gluten free. Maybe instead of having an opinion on something you know nothing about, you should be thankful you can eat a SANDWICH without worrying about how much time you’ll have to sprint for the bathroom.

Hm, I feel a little better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. Here’s what set me off in the first place:

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/05/14/gluten-intolerance-fake_n_5327420.html

Good thing we have the Huff Post around to give us such stellar medical advise. The quote at the bottom: “There are a lot of people that hear from their friends, ‘I got off gluten and I sleep better, the sex is better, and I’m happier,’ and then they try it and they feel better, too. The power of suggestion.”

To this man I have a few things to say…

1. Who the eff would give up pizza and pasta for better sex and sleep. That is ridiculous. If you can’t make those happen on your own, you’re a complete ass.

2. How about this instead? “I got off gluten and I didn’t feel like I was going to shit my pants anymore.”

More convincing?

I thought so.

 

 

 

The Slippery Slope of Hangover Snacks

Who saw my pics on Facebook from my friend’s wedding last Saturday night?! Omg so much fun. Unfortunately, it was also so much FOOD AND DRINK!!! I swear it took me until Wednesday to recover. Not just from the hangover, either…well…maybe, but also from all the snacks. Attending a wedding, drinking the bar dry, and stuffing my face that night, as well as the entire next day, in hopes of alleviating the feeling of death I caused myself, is not really the smartest decision. Yes, I was living in the moment and having a great time and creating some awesome memories, but damn I’m just too old for that shit now. The alcohol seriously makes me SO ANXIOUS. For at least three days afterwards I’m bothering my husband every five minutes asking if he’s mad at me. (hint: when you bother someone with this question every five minutes…they WILL eventually be mad at you, even if they weren’t before!) (in all seriousness, my husband could win awards for putting up with my bothering, he’s pretty awesome.)

The alcohol causing anxiety thing is not really new news, I’ve known for awhile that if I have a good bit of wine, I’m going to regret it in more ways than just craving McDonald’s the next day. I’m going to get that McDonald’s and then feel anxious about eating it. And then feel anxious about feeling anxious about it…anxiety is so annoying like that. I really need to remember to remind myself this before I start imbibing, and not the day after.

However, as of yesterday, my body seems to have fully recovered. Sadly, my bathroom scale says otherwise. What a pesky little thing it is. It’s all flashy and red, it calls out to be stepped on, which is when it snares you in it’s trap. It’s not really friendly at all. In fact, it’s really only there to say HA! I KNEW YOU HAD NO WILLPOWER AND WOULD STEP ON ME THE DAY AFTER EATING HANGOVER FOOD!!! Which I did, of course, and of course I should have known better, because the number was ridic, and shouldn’t be a number that the scale is allowed to display.

For me, letting myself have a night like I did on Saturday is such a slippery slope. I definitely am like, “It’s just for tonight, it’s a special occasion,” in my head, and then the next day when I feel like poo warmed over, I think, “well, it’s just cause I feel so awful today”…and then I feel awful for two more days…and then being bad becomes a bad habit again! Slippery slope…more like icy ravine where healthy eating goes to die.

I’m so clever with the metaphors. I just had to google ‘metaphor’ to make sure that was the right word…

Here are some pics from Saturday night. Such a pretty bride!!! As I ate the food, I thought to myself that I should take a pic of it for the blog…but then I ate it all. IT WAS AMAZING.

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Social Media, Grouchiness, and Shaved Cats

Ah, almost a week without a post! I know that if I stop posting for more than a week, then I’ll get lazy and forgetful, and will stop posting all together, and then six months from now you’ll have to read another I’M BACK, AREN’T YOU EXCITED?! post…and you won’t be, cause it’ll just be annoying at that point.

So a couple weeks ago somebody posted THIS article on FB, which I saw, and obviously took great offense to, because clearly they were writing it about ME. (That was sarcasm, in case you didn’t catch that.) I did get all worked up about it, though, cause I do like to post about fitness and health and bla bla bla, and I don’t understand why somebody would get all worked up about seeing that stuff…but ok, so you don’t like seeing posts about other people’s fitness and healthy eating, fine…sooooo just unfriend them? Just don’t follow them on Instagram and Twitter maybe?? The internet is awesome because you can CHOOSE what to look at!!

There was recently a lot of attention given to THIS  lady, the real fit mom who posted a pic of herself lookin all hot with all three of her kids, with the caption, “What’s your excuse?”. People got all sorts of hot and bothered over this post, she even ended up being banned from Facebook for awhile. People called this ‘Fat Shaming.” Fat shaming….and then in response a group came out saying that the people angry about the post were, ‘Fit Shaming.” WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.

Those are the dumbest terms I’ve ever heard. If somebody posts on Facebook that they just got a new job and are moving to a great new giant house, I do not repost that and say LOOK AT THESE MONEY SHAMERS!!!! And then in response richy richers would not post WTF YOU ARE A RICH SHAMER!!!

In both of these scenarios we have jealousy, insecurity, and an overall discontentment with OURSELVES. It really has nothing to do with the other people. It has to do with us. It’s too bad that the internet gives us this outlet to shit talk each other in every possible way in every possible scenario just to make ourselves feel better.

I see a lot of: She isn’t breast feeding her baby?! SHE’S BAD MOM (but I’m insecure about being a stay at home mom and she gets to work full time) . He’s eating cookies?! UNHEALTHY SLOB (but I want cookies too but I’m afraid if I eat them I’ll feel bad about myself). They got a new car?! SHOW OFFS! (but if I had a new car I’d totally put it all over FB too)

Get my drift? Maybe we could all just admit to ourselves that we have insecurities, and stop attacking everyone else to make ourselves feel better. Instead, maybe look at why these things are making you feel that way. Maybe you can use these feelings to better yourself; set goals. Or maybe you can just keep your negative thoughts to yourself, or at least to your inner gossip circles. I know you have gossip circles.

Sorry this post was so serious, but these things really get under my skin. The internet gives people such an easy outlet to be cruel and hateful to other people, it’s a shame.

Want to end this read on a hilarious note…and be jealous of how amusing my life is?

We had to shave our cat because she got depressed and stopped grooming herself and was covered in matted down fur clumps that we couldn’t brush out.

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Annnnd after:

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How embarrassing!

 

 

2 10k Races In Less Than 1 Month?!! Ah

It’s just now dawning on me that I am running two 10k’s mid April. I’m a big dummy and signed up for one 10k on Saturday and then another one the day after. I’m not signed up for any more races for the summer…just those two, back to back (ok except for THIS one, but it’s more of a fun race than a running a race for time race). My planning skills might need some help, cause the more I think about it, the more I realize: That shit is going to suck. I should have just signed up for another half marathon and just died that way. JUST KIDDING that is a way worse idea, at least now I get a night between halves of a half! … if that makes sense.

Anyhow, I haven’t run at all this winter. Yes, it’s been nicer out here and there, and I’ve seen people posting about their runs on those nicer days on Facebook. But guess what? Nice days just means the stupid snow has melted all over the sidewalk, creating mud that will just get all over me if I go for a run. So, no thanks. I’m just banking on my being in relatively good shape to be able to put a good solid two-three weeks of running in and be able to hold my own (aka run at least a 12min mile at both races).

Gone are the days that I vied for running a 10k under 60 minutes, when I cared a lot about running under 10min miles. Now, it’s ‘Yeah, I just crushed that 12min mile!’ … Actually, I’m pretty good at training MINIMALLY and then having pretty non embarrassing race day times. Not that I’d be embarrassed to run SIX MILES real slow. It’s six miles people. That’s a long haul. Training runs are always awful for me, though. Some people were born to run. They are made for it. My stubby legs were made for walking to the fridge. Or the wine rack….

This is the inspiration I need!

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Anyhow, bring it double 10k weekend. I know at the end of you, I’ll be happy. Because not only is the Sunday 10k one of the my ultimate fave races (Clyde’s 10k in Columbia. Go sign up. Giant hill around mile 4. A real soul crusher), but it also has a GIANT BUFFET at the finish line. That always inspires me to run way faster, in fear that too many people will finish before me, and there will be no food left….hm, maybe I should start running now…

Here’s a little throw back to my first time running the Clyde’s 10k in 2009 (WHY was that so long ago!!) which was my first time running a 10k!

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What up, 22 year old me. 

Also, I want to hang out with this girl, I like her style.

Amy – 0, Netflix – 1 Million

Remember when I said last week that I’d be posting more that same week? Clearly that was a lie, as I’m just now getting back to blogging. How can I be so busy, but at the same time, so UN busy?! Had a snow day on Monday and while I cooked and then cleaned the kitchen, I finally gave in and gave Scandal another try. BAD IDEA. Now I only want to watch Scandal. I’ve realized that I have a Netflix problem. I don’t want to read anymore, I just want to Netflix. I have like four half read books on my bed side table, they vary from informational, serious, comedy, and romance. I couldn’t get through any of them, and I blame Netflix, for making available to me horrible non original fluffy characters making bad decisions any time I want to get my fill of that nonsense (always). Because clearly it is NETFLIX’s fault that I have no willpower, and not my OWN fault…I think I need to re-prioritize.

So, let’s talk goals! My goal is to finish one of those books before the end of the month. That gives me a little less than two weeks to bang out a few hundred pages of reading. I’m a pretty fast reader, so as long as I can keep myself away from the pull of cheesy love stories, hot boys and girls making unrealistic decisions, and silly high school drama, I should be alright. You know what isn’t a silly show? Friday Night Lights. You want to know why? The husband and wife on that show are AMAZING. I want to be them when I grow up. (Cause I’m still a youngster)

Oh, exciting news! (to me at least) There is another challenge starting on Monday at the gym I go to. (Best gym ever, I seriously will talk to anyone who will listen about how awesome my gym is, I’m pretty sure people think I’m obsessed weirdo. But seriously…my gym beats your gym in awesomeness) So I’m not entirely sure what the challenge entails, but I get real into challenges. Any extra motivation to get my ass outta bed at 6am is DEFINITELY needed. This morning was rough, I lazed around too much, and by the time I got to the gym, I only had about 30 minutes to get in a good workout, so I chose 50 vested burpee jump pullups, 600 meters on the rowing machine, and then 4, 3, 2 and 1 floors of stair sprints. It sorta sucked. And by sorta I mean: I effing hate vested burpees.

What has everyone been eating lately? Cause this past weekend I went off the deep end of bad eating. Like I dove into the abyss of the ocean and sank to the bottom, that’s how bad. Pizza bad, and not gluten free pizza…gluten FILLED pizza. Chris got mad because I ate all the cheese off most of it, actually, and left useless dough. When you’ve had a few wine spritzers and it’s time to order some tipsy snacks…and pizza is the only thing available…it’s hard to say no!

We did do some useful chores this weekend, though, like moving our office out of our guest bedroom and down into the basement. We have a small townhouse, so doubling up on rooms is unfortunately a necessity. I seriously don’t know what we are going to do when we eventually have a child and have to put all that crap somewhere…we have NO MORE ROOM. Gonna have to put that child on the deck I guess…babies like the outdoors right??

Here are some pics of our moving this weekend. And of some yummy snacks!

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What a helpful wife I am, taking pictures at a time like this! In all seriousness, I didn’t have to gym that day, because it took all my strength to help get this EFFING CHAIR up two flights of stairs. It got wedged multiple times, we had to take the railing off, and FYI when you move a recliner…it WILL recline mid move and smash you into the wall or in the face! But look how pretty the basement is now!

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Now some of you may not know, but I fancy myself a pretty good cook. Baking, on the other hand…I’m real bad at. Mostly because I don’t like recipes and I enjoy just throwing things together that I think should go together. This doesn’t work with baking, because baking is like science…and I bet you can guess how good at science I am (BAD, just like math) So, the blueberry muffins came out real well, but the gluten free chocolate cupcakes were only so so because I ran out of honey so they weren’t sweetened. I’m fine with that because I don’t like sweet stuff, and the coconut flour adds some sweetness anyhow, but I’m pretty sure anyone else would have complained. The masterpiece of the weekend was my chocolate Guinness cake with Bailey’s cream frosting. Chris said it was awesome, but I didn’t taste the cake. I did taste the frosting, though, which was ridiculously sweet (maybe it was the whole box of confectioners sugar I put into it). But it did taste like Baileys, so that was yummy. I did bake the cakes at 100 degrees higher than I was supposed to…I blame our crappy old oven(it was totally my fault)…but they still came out not charred and edible. Next culinary experiment: homemade coconut milk ice cream.

“Everything in moderation” … most annoying phrase ever

I follow a LOT of fitness gurus and fanatics on Facebook and Instagram (and Twitter, but I don’t really understand how Twitter works, so I don’t really go on there very often). I really enjoy the inspirational posts, the workout ideas, the dedication they have towards living the healthiest lifestyle possible, and especially their attitudes about themselves. They really tout the idea of being happy with who you are, and not to work out and eat healthy because you hate yourself, but because you LOVE yourself, and want to be the best you can be. A good message for all, because it is so easy to forget what you’re working towards, and get down on yourself.

However…if I see #everythinginmoderation one more freakin time, I may flip out. I’m down with #livinthefitlife, #fitnesslifestyle, and even #fitandfab…but seriously, something about Everything In Moderation makes me want to throw things. Probably because the things I should have in moderation (cheese, wine, pizza, fried food, chips, rice, nachos, all dips known to man, everything that goes out in cute little bowls and on trays at parties) I want to eat in the opposite of moderation. I want to crush that shit. Picture a dog finding a real gross dead animal and rolling around in it in ecstasy. That’s what I want to do to that vat of spinach dip. Or queso. Come on people. Sausage queso dip with Fritos…who doesn’t want to get all up in that. (my stomach, that’s who)

Just wanted to throw that out there. It’s so easy to paint a picture of what an amazing person you are via social media these days. The “I’m going to the gym, yay!” status on Facebook, the, “Look what healthy food choices I’m making!” pics on Instagram, and if I understood Twitter, I’m sure I’d see, “Look at the workouts I’m currently doing!” tweets and twitter pics (is that a thing? I think so…) I’m totally guilty of this. In fact, I have some pics from a workout on Saturday I’m totally going to post. Because I like posting that crap. Because I know you’re interested…yup, you know you are too.

Point is, sometimes it’s easy to feel down on yourself because it appears via social media that everyone is living this perfect life. And I’m not just talking health and fitness. Just life in general. You don’t see many statuses about feeling sad, being jealous, being insecure, feeling like a fatty, making bad choices, etc. (and when you do see those posts, it’s just uncomfortable, come on people, stop it. Stop being passive aggressive online. We aren’t in high school anymore and this isn’t your AIM away message. ) So, I wanted to blog about this because I think it’s an important thing to remember. For every LOOK HOW AWESOME MY LIFE IS status, post, tweet, instagram, etc, there are a ton of moments that person isn’t posting about. Yes they have beautiful children, but shit it’s hard to be up with them all night and then go to work. Yes, they got a new job and are making twice what you do and get to shop at Whole Foods without batting an eye, but they also have stress out the wazoo and work all the time and then have to deal with lines at Whole Foods (another huge dose of stress right there). Point is, nobody’s life is ever as badass as it appears (except for mine, clearly) (kidding, duh) and everyone has their own set of issues, setbacks, problems, you name it.

Here are some of mine!

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On Saturday morning Emma and I did a workout called The Gauntlet…it’s as fun as it sounds…wearing weighted vests. I seriously felt like death the entire time, it was awful, one of the worst workouts I’ve had in awhile. Clearly I need to do it more often. What isn’t pictured here is me lying on the ground gasping for breath after hitting my head on the ground during a burpee. I basically threw my face into the ground. #fitandfab

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#Everythinginmoderation…like drinking more than 5 drinks at a bach party, right? (sad face for how I felt Sunday morning) That’s my kind of moderation right there. Also, just a side note: I hadn’t started drinking when the pic on the left was taken, that’s just my real life face. This night was amazing and totally worth disregarding the phrase from hell. I love my friends :)

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This isn’t an example of anything bad in my life, I just wanted to show off our friend’s new nursery that Chris and I painted on Saturday! Isn’t it pretty!? #Schoedelpaintingrocks Chris and I have amazing friends that we trade odd jobs with. They help us, we help them, neither of us pay a dumbass fix it man. Works out. And then we eat snacks together. What’s not to love. Seriously, I have the best friends ever.

More fun posts later this week. Prepare yourself.