Alright…two weeks from Sunday is Race #1 of the season. I’ve got a pretty well-rounded (so horrible) workout routine going right now. M-Th, run for 30 minutes and then do a half hour of the fab moves I learned at bootcamp when I could still afford the fancy shmancy gym! Now I suffer through them on my own, looking like a dummy doing lunge kicks and burpees in the middle of Planet Fitness, where basically nobody knows what a burpee is and everyone looks at me like I’m an idiot for jumping about. (I must admit, I do avoid my own reflection while doing these because I do in fact look like an uncoordinated dummy). Once a weekend I plan on doing a longer run, although I haven’t quite had time on any weekend as of yet…maybe this weekend will be the one! Back to Planet Fitness….as some of you know, I recently had to make the hard decision of whether or not to switch from Brick Bodies (aka $50 a month gym) to Planet Fitness ($10 a month!) I’m sure all of you are riveted in your seats to hear about how PF is going, so I’d like to share a few fun experiences I’ve had since I joined. This could actually double as a list of Don’t EVER do this at your local gym.
1. A few days ago while I was running on the treadmill for 40 minutes a man got onto the machine next to me and proceeded to walk at speed 2 (less than the speed of walk) and talk on his phone the ENTIRE time he was on there, which ended up being half an hour. Not only was he speaking loudly, but this happened to be the day that I had forgotten my headphones, AND he was speaking completely in spanish. So not only was just hearing his loud voice right next to me super annoying, but I couldn’t even understand his conversation to eavesdrop on it!
2. Today a man next to me, again on the treadmill, was trying a fun new workout. I’m just assuming this workout was new to him since he was huffing and puffing and groaning like someone had kicking him straight in the balls. I’m not talking “phew, what an intense workout,” huffing and puffing, I’m talking “OHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!! ARRRRGGgGghhhghgggggg!!!!!!”. This time I DID have my headphones, but I could totally still hear him loud and clear. He might as well have gotten into my iPod and screamed in my right ear. What was he doing that was so hard? Why, he was running sideways on the treadmill. Some sort of side-shuffle! And to make matters even more awesome, he kept losing his balance and flailing his arms out. Now not only did I have to listen to his ridiculousness, I had to worry about getting wacked in the face by his meaty arms.
So far these are the most quality of my PF experiences, but I’m sure there will be more to come. Don’t even get me started on the guy who raps aloud to his music while he “lifts,”……
Brick Bodies, I miss you dearly.
This post goes out to all the girls who may have gained a few pounds (or twenty…), are overweight, feel over weight, are two pounds heavier than their best friend, or know the feeling of being thicker than the really thin, big-boobed girl in front of you in the grocery store line (what a bitch). Yesterday the UNTHINKABLE happened to me. Something that will go down in the history of my life as an unforgettable FAIL. Where did that phrase come from, anyways? Epic FAIL, super WIN……..Anyhow, I’m not sure I’m using the epic fail phrase correctly, but I imagine if they had a definition for it, my situation would fit perfectly. As I was putting on my jeans yesterday, THEY RIPPED. Now these weren’t just any old jeans, these were the jeans, and by that I mean these were the only jeans that currently fit me. This is sounding more like a super effing epic fail now, right? That’s what I thought…
So here I am, with a pair of ripped jeans, on a Friday morning. I decided that this is ridiculous because I have been working out every day this week. I couldn’t have gained weight, right?! That’s impossible! I’ve been eating all the healthy shit that Britney Spears supposedly eats when I read the tabloids! Steamed veggies, chicken, broiled salmon, not a single effing carb, and only maybe 5 Dots a day!!! How can my pants possibly be fitting less well than they did a week ago?! So I decided I should probably investigate this situation…by weighting myself. Obviously. Bad idea. Five pounds heavier than I was when I started this crazy workout plan. After being at the gym at least an hour for five days straight….FIVE POUNDS HEAVIER. What, every hour at the gym equals a pound gained? Something is amiss!!!!!!
There is a lesson to be learned from this post. Actually, there are a few! One: Don’t put your jeans in the dryer if they are the last pair that fit you, you’ll end up with NO pants that fit you. Two: Your body hates you and is never going to weigh what you want it to weigh when you are weighing it, so just don’t do it until after you have been working out for months and your clothes are literally falling off of you (that would be the opposite of ripping off of you…) Three: Downfalls like this are a huge bummer, and they definitely suck a LOT, but if you view them as inspiration (I inspire to rip no more pants) then it will only spur you on. Yesterday I used all of this grouchiness about my damn stupid ripped jeans and ran three miles straight for the first time in a while, and it felt good 🙂 I’m also using this as a legit excuse to take myself shopping this weekend! I will be needing some pants…
Alright folks, this is my first post! Who’s excited?! Click on the About link above for an in depth description of the blog. I don’t have much experience with blogs, so this will be a learning process. You’d think taking all these IT classes I might be better at such things, but so far not so much…it took me twenty minutes to figure out how to change the subtitle! And I can’t figure out how to do a smiley face without it looking like a little emotocon thingy…wtf.
Anyhow, this blog isn’t about my information technology woes, it’s about my fitness woes! So, obviously I’m a little late in challenging myself to 12 races in 12 months since January is almost over. I’m going to end up doubling up in one of the spring months to make up for January. My first race will be on Superbowl Sunday, Feb 5th, in Ellicot City: the Penguin Pace! I also hear they’re serving a fabulous brunch afterwards that will be catered by the Furnace Inn….for those of you who have ever eaten there, you know why I chose this race! I always try and choose races with the best post-race food. Clydes 10k is the best one I’ve found so far, SUCH an awesome spread! Plus two free beers…you really can’t go wrong. Not to mention the course is challenging but still a fun 6 miles.
Now you can see why I need to finish this challenge!!!!!