Home » Uncategorized » Dear pants, I hate you

Dear pants, I hate you

This post goes out to all the girls who may have gained a few pounds (or twenty…), are overweight, feel over weight, are two pounds heavier than their best friend, or know the feeling of being thicker than the really thin, big-boobed girl in front of you in the grocery store line (what a bitch). Yesterday the UNTHINKABLE happened to me. Something that will go down in the history of my life as an unforgettable FAIL. Where did that phrase come from, anyways? Epic FAIL, super WIN……..Anyhow, I’m not sure I’m using the epic fail phrase correctly, but I imagine if they had a definition for it, my situation would fit perfectly. As I was putting on my jeans yesterday, THEY RIPPED. Now these weren’t just any old jeans, these were the jeans, and by that I mean these were the only jeans that currently fit me. This is sounding more like a super effing epic fail now, right? That’s what I thought…

So here I am, with a pair of ripped jeans, on a Friday morning. I decided that this is ridiculous because I have been working out every day this week. I couldn’t have gained weight, right?! That’s impossible! I’ve been eating all the healthy shit that Britney Spears supposedly eats when I read the tabloids! Steamed veggies, chicken, broiled salmon, not a single effing carb, and only maybe 5 Dots a day!!! How can my pants possibly be fitting less well than they did a week ago?! So I decided I should probably investigate this situation…by weighting myself. Obviously. Bad idea. Five pounds heavier than I was when I started this crazy workout plan. After being at the gym at least an hour for five days straight….FIVE POUNDS HEAVIER. What, every hour at the gym equals a pound gained? Something is amiss!!!!!!

There is a lesson to be learned from this post. Actually, there are a few! One: Don’t put your jeans in the dryer if they are the last pair that fit you, you’ll end up with NO pants that fit you. Two: Your body hates you and is never going to weigh what you want it to weigh when you are weighing it, so just don’t do it until after you have been working out for months and your clothes are literally falling off of you (that would be the opposite of ripping off of you…) Three: Downfalls like this are a huge bummer, and they definitely suck a LOT, but if you view them as inspiration (I inspire to rip no more pants) then it will only spur you on. Yesterday I used all of this grouchiness about my damn stupid ripped jeans and ran three miles straight for the first time in a while, and it felt good 🙂 I’m also using this as a legit excuse to take myself shopping this weekend! I will be needing some pants…

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3 thoughts on “Dear pants, I hate you

  1. What a frustration! But, it is actually fairly normal in the process if you’re just starting to work out more. What may well be happening is that you’re gaining muscle and getting stronger, and since muscle weighs more than fat you’re “gaining weight” but actually improving your conditioning and tone.

    The other thing I would suggest – don’t avoid carbs completely (they have things in them that our bodies like) just make sure you eat them in moderation. I’ve been on Weight Watchers following the holidays to get over my double christmas food babies (yes, I ate so much I had twin food babies) and one of the big things I’ve taken away from that is eat as much/many fruits and veggies as you want, just avoid meat with high fat content, and eat everything not a fruit or veggie in moderation. Oh yes, and alcohol.. at 3-5 points for the average beer it doesn’t take much to undo any weight loss from working out!

    Anyway, good for you getting on to this track and I wish you the best of luck with your races!

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