30 Day Beach Countdown

Ok, so I started counting down to the beach…somewhere about 80-90 days out from the actual vaca. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for a vacation. I’m not sure if it’s because I genuinely NEED a vacation (I do), or because I’m SO EXCITED to hang out with AWESOME people, or because it’s THE BEACH, or because I get to subsist solely on quesadillas and BUD LITE LIME…it’s probably all of those…but I am way more excited for the beach than I usually am.

However, in preparation for the beach, I’ve been trying to lean out a bit, or at least maintain my current physique (that word makes me sound like a badass, maybe a better description would be ‘current body status’) … and it is NOT going as planned!! For one, I have an extreme case of Adult Senioritis. This is something I’ve just made up. And it doesn’t really make sense, since it’s not like work is ending and I’ll be out for the summer. But in my head, that seems to be the case. All I want to do is summer activities like barbecue, eat bad food, drink margaritas and rum runners and bud lite limes, and play yard games. And yet, I’m at work Monday – Friday, only dreaming of these activities. So when the weekend comes, it’s hard for me to drink water, eat well, and exercise it up. Like I said…all I want to do is eat, drink and play.

I decided I needed something that would keep me in check, so I signed up for group training at my gym (#bestgymever). Knowing that I would have to keep a food diary, and would be working out hard, I thought that would help me stay in line. OMG I couldn’t have been more WRONG. Pretty much as soon as I was starting to track my food, the Stanley Cup Playoffs started. Well, my husband and I have no cable, so we have to go out to bars to watch. And then my teams started losing. So clearly, I drank like a fish and ate wings like a boss. Fail #1. Then, husband and I went on a weekend trip to Chincoteague & Assateague Islands, in VA (you know, with the wild ponies). We had a GREAT relaxing and fun weekend. But it involved fried seafood and mimosas and ice cream sundaes for dinner. So basically the best weekend ever, although clearly not helping me on my goals to fitness before the beach. Fail #2.

When we started the group training program at the gym, we were supposed to write down some goals for ourselves. Mine were drink no more than 2 glasses of wine per week and no other alcohol (fail), stop eating cheese (extra fail), drink 100 ounces of water/day (semi fail). Clearly there is work to be done in the inhaling of food department. However, my lifting goals are going well. I wanted to increase my weight on Turkish Getups, which I’ve been working on diligently, and I wanted to make my way to 25 pushups (real ones) in a row, which I’m SO CLOSE to. So, overall I guess everything isn’t a wash, since at least I’m making strength progress.

I’ve gotta get it together in the nutrition department, though. Unfortunately, as much as it is annoying to hear, it’s incredibly true when ‘they’ say “Abs are made in the kitchen.” For sure they are. And I can tell you they are NOT made at the liquor store, nor at the chinese buffet. But wouldn’t it be AMAZING if they were?!

So, since I’ve been real lazy about blogging as of late, I’m gonna try and up my game in both nutrition AND blogging, and try to keep up my progress as we near beach week. OMG beach week WHERE ARE YOU, I need you now.

Did I mention I want to buy a skim board to use at the beach? Probably a bad idea, as I will most likely end up with a broken something or another, but they are SO FUN.

Here are some pics of my epic fail meals. Not only do these delicious treats keep me from my goals, but they make my body punish me in a hardcore way. I certainly paid in pain for all of these. But sometimes, the pain is worth the snack delight.

 

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Fried clams, fries, and hush puppies…what?!

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Pineapple sundae with almond joy icecream. holy yum.

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Is that a Ledo’s Pizza with sausage and bacon and a gluten free crust?! Yes it is.

The War FOR Gluten

I’m annoyed. This post is a little TMI and full of swearing. Just a little disclaimer.

I’ve posted before about how my dumbass body decided a few years ago to stop tolerating several different kinds of foods. Gluten being one of them. I would get sick. Curled up on the couch moaning in pain sick. I stopped eating gluten, among other things, and I DO NOT get sick anymore. Not ever.

And I didn’t make that decision based on a fad that I heard about on my Facebook feed. I went to the friggin doctor, and he told me I had Non Celiac Gluten Sensitivity. Which was basically like going to the doc’s and having him punch me in the stomach. No more pizza, pasta, paninis, etc, etc…it was saddening. Some people don’t love food. I’m not one of them. I LOVE FOOD. And it loves me back. The doc also told me to cut back on dairy, and to limit processed foods. His reasoning for this? Simply because the human body was made to process certain foods, and weren’t meant for others. He said NOT EVERYBODY has this issue. (Clearly, or everyone would be shitting their brains out all the time, since the American diet is so processed foods heavy.) But obviously, I didn’t make the cut, and got a crap system that only craves meat and veggies and rice and saddness, while I crave pizza with extra cheese, a plate of nachos, and fettuccine alfredo.

So adjusting to this diet has been a serious challenge for me. It literally MAKES ME SAD that I can’t eat things that I like. When I go out to eat it SUCKS that I can only order a very small number of menu items, all the while being terrified that it will make me sick and ruin my time. When I go over a friends house, I’m embarrassed about these issues, and I don’t want to be a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS, telling them they can only serve me meat and veggies….Hello, I can only eat expensive shit, do you still want to hang out?!

So here’s why I’m annoyed:

I’m annoyed for 2 reasons in regards to this video.

1. These idiots clearly don’t double over in pain when they eat gluten, and they have probably just jumped on the GF train to lean town, because IT’S TRUE, cutting gluten out does help you lean out. Just like eating low carb does. Cause gluten is found in a lot of carbs. HOWEVER, the dumb bitch who says RICE has gluten in it is misinformed, because rice is the SAVING GRACE of eating gluten free!!! (cause it’s gluten free, get your facts straight)

I’m not saying this isn’t funny. I love the second guy with the strange creepy cough thing going on. But all of you, stop making gluten free look like such a frivolous thing. Not all of us are trying to get six pack abs (Ok, that’d be awesome, and I clearly do care about fitness, but let’s be honest, if I could eat pizza without feeling like crap all the time, I WOULD DO IT)

Anyhow…

2. Why the eff do I need to know what gluten is to know that it hurts me? Do you ask cancer patients to explain their disease to you? (shut up, I’m not comparing my issue to cancer, IT DOES NOT COMPARE, calm down) Do you ask kids who are allergic to nuts to explain what makes them allergic? No. Because if something doesn’t work inside of you, if you are broken in some way that causes you pain, people aren’t supposed to grill you about it.

Yes, these people had it coming, because they are dumb. However, this attitude towards people who are gluten free is going to permeate throughout society, until everyone assumes that if someone says they are gluten free, they aren’t doing it for health reasons, they are just following a “fad.”

Let me tell you, it isn’t a “fad” that I’m following when I don’t eat gluten. It’s a sad fact of my life that now my body doesn’t WORK PROPERLY.

So, yes, I’m annoyed when being gluten free is referred to as a fad. And I get angry when people assume I’m just trying to lose weight (I usually am ANYWAY, but that’s not the point). And it saddens me to see people posting this video all over Facebook with negative comments about individuals who have to eat gluten free. Maybe instead of having an opinion on something you know nothing about, you should be thankful you can eat a SANDWICH without worrying about how much time you’ll have to sprint for the bathroom.

Hm, I feel a little better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. Here’s what set me off in the first place:

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/05/14/gluten-intolerance-fake_n_5327420.html

Good thing we have the Huff Post around to give us such stellar medical advise. The quote at the bottom: “There are a lot of people that hear from their friends, ‘I got off gluten and I sleep better, the sex is better, and I’m happier,’ and then they try it and they feel better, too. The power of suggestion.”

To this man I have a few things to say…

1. Who the eff would give up pizza and pasta for better sex and sleep. That is ridiculous. If you can’t make those happen on your own, you’re a complete ass.

2. How about this instead? “I got off gluten and I didn’t feel like I was going to shit my pants anymore.”

More convincing?

I thought so.

 

 

 

Building Furniture & Avoiding Snacks

I’m writing this on my new tablet! Very exciting. Since Chris switched positions at the beginning of the year, I haven’t had more than one minute on our computer, so it was sorta conflicting with my goal to blog more! A tablet seemed like a good investment. Plus, they are awesome!! It was hard to choose one, though…why the eff are there so many kinds!!? And they literally all seem to do the same crap. So, how did I choose? Went with Google’s tablet!! Duh, Google rocks. Now where is their self driving car!?

OK, anyway, back to the point of this post! To talk about me! Just kidding!! (Sort of…) So since my Whole30 (30 days of deprivation from awesomeness), I thought my eating and drinking habits would sort of go back to normal…like cheese, wine, pasta, Mexican food to the face 24\7…(don’t worry, I’m kidding about wine 24\7!) However, I haven’t been doing any of those things. Granted, I have been having some “bad” things, but nothing like the cheese overload I envisioned doing every day of my Whole30.

In order to stay on track I’ve had to keep myself busy. Avoiding temptation is effin hard! Especially when someone leaves a box of wine in my fridge!!! Ah. Its always there. Calling my name. Hey Amy, drink me, I’m so tasty mixed with seltzer! Ugh. So what does a girl do to avoid a box o wine calling her name? Build furniture with her husband!

Check out our handiness!

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Kitten was helping us with our measurements…

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Building before the storm hits!

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Finishing touches and final product!

Not so bad for first time builders, right?!

Another challenge is about to start at my gym. This means I’m about to get REAL competitive…I love challenges!! This one could get dicey…apparently they count how often you’re at the gym (so clearly I have to go every day) and we are going to have to use that dreaded scale that measures body fat. MY ENEMY.

Who’s excited?!

Whole30 DONE, (face plant into plate of cheese)

As of last night, I officially finished my Whole30!! I was pretty excited, and basically went face first into a heaping plate of cheese enchiladas, which were accompanied by a few hard ciders. What? Can you blame me? A month without cheese and alcohol…I was clearly deserving of these things.

Let’s do a recap of my 30 days…since I didn’t keep the blog updated AT ALL! I really am trying, but every time I get the computer all to myself…I start watching some crap show on Netflix (have you seen Pretty Little Liars?? DON’T WATCH IT! IT IS SO BAD…and by that I mean I love it and can’t stop watching it….it’s a problem).

Anyhow…recap:

I got a lot of “sooo what are you eating during this thing…??” Here are some examples of the yumminess I consumed:

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Yummy avocado stuffed, bacon wrapped, jalapeno peppers for Super Bowl snacking

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The beginnings of a roast that would end up braising in the crock for the whole day.

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Check out that steam! Beef chili with broccoli and pineapple thrown in for extra goodness.

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Even kitten wanted some of these wings…bad cat

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Sugar and nitrate free ham, baked with a spicy mustard sauce, along with some zucchini fritters I fried up.

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Post workout, pre grocery shopping breakfast from the Wegman’s salad bar. I wish I could live there.

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Plates picked dry after a tasting of different meats and veggies at a paleo author’s book release party in DC…yes there are fries, no, I didn’t try them. Heard they were good though!

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Breakfast of champions…few eggs scrambled with some of the ham from before, and green veggies. YUM

During these 30 days it wasn’t all smooth sailing…especially when Chris went away, and I was alone in the house for a weekend…alone in the house to me usually means: if nobody sees you eat it then it doesn’t count….so I had to find things to occupy my time so I wouldn’t order a pizza or go out and buy wine!

So I redid some furniture!

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Then it snowed…

IMG_1061 … a lot

It was sad having a 5 day weekend that was awesome snack and booze free, so again, I had to find things to do to occupy my time. Like making macaroons that I couldn’t eat, and brushing kitty…which was a dangerous job…that cat can swat.

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When I went out with friends to a bar, I did a lot of this: (hint, there’s no alcohol in that mug)

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So that’s the sum of my 30 days! A lot of eggs, meat, and veggies.

I’m working on another post that will actually delve into what I learned, what the results were, etc…(Preview: the results were awesome)

 

Failed Lamb Shanks & Tough Mudder Excitement

This morning I tried the plyometrics disc of P90x. OMG. That shit is not easy. All that jumping about. I like to workout with no shoes on, which made it a teensy bit more difficult, as I was attempting to not twist the eff out of my ankles. Next time: sneakers.

Want to hear about the lamb shanks I made this weekend?! I thought so. Doesn’t that sound so fancy and yummy?? Lammmbbbb shanks. Either shanks aren’t for me or I sucked at cooking these shanks. It was suggested to me that I just bought bum shanks, but I’m gonna go with these other two options, cause these shanks were BAD. The sauce was good, but the shanks ended up kind of like shanky shoe leather that tasted…interesting. As Chris said, “Well, they aren’t BAD…” Right. But they aren’t good either!! Here’s a peak…they look good!

This is right after I bought them from the farmer’s market! Don’t they look pretty sitting with their good buddy brussel stalk?!

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This is pre-cooking, shanks browned and put in the crock with onions, garlic, beef broth, and spices.

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Unfortunately by the time they were done, I wanted to eat them so badly that I didn’t take a final picture. Anyhow, kind of a failed attempt at something different, but we still finished them. I made Chris some rice to go with his, and I made sauteed brussels for myself. YUM! I do love me some brussels like whoa. Crisped up in olive oil…or baked, whatever they are SO GOOD!

So this weekend I’m volunteering at the Tough Mudder Mid-Atlantic in West Virginia. When I volunteered to volunteer I didn’t know where it was going to be. Had I known that I would have to get up at 3am to drive 1.5 hours to West Virgina…I may have no volunteered. OK so I probably still would have. I’m actually REALLY excited about the whole weekend.

Upon arrival I’ll be able to choose an area to volunteer in, and I’m hoping to be able to volunteer along the course, either at an obstacle or at a water station. I want to spend quality time cheering people on!! I know a few people participating in the event, so I’m hoping to be able to cheer them on. My volunteer shift ends around 12:30, at which time I’m going to find myself some food somewhere in Martinsburg, and then check into my hotel. Why did I get a hotel you ask?? Because I’m going to run the TM on Sunday!! Obviously. I have no team, so I’m going to have to force some tall meaty men to throw me over the walls and such, but from my experience at the last TM, everyone is always working together.

If anyone wants to join me, if you volunteer on Saturday you can run it on Sunday for only $60!!! You know you want to!

Whole30 FAIL! & My First Speeding Ticket :(

Alright it’s time for a little honesty up in here! About how my Whole30 plan stopped in its tracks (yes, I stopped it, and yes, it was in the first few days, I am aware.) But first let’s discuss Friday afternoon…

This past weekend was one of my best friend’s bachelorette party. Originally I wasn’t going to be able to go because of a prior commitment. However, my prior commitment bailed on me hardcore at the last minute, and at 4:20 PM I called my friends, who were set to leave at 4:30, and said, ‘Wait for meee, I’m coming!!’ Unfortunately, in my enthusiasm to meet them and not hold up the bach train from leaving, I ended up getting pulled over going 52 in a 30 MPH zone…and GOT MY FIRST TICKET. This was slightly devastating for me, and I may or may not have cried. A lot. While the officer was trying to tell me if I go to court I will probably get off…I was definitely trying not to. When I could see him printing out the ticket and bringing it over I was telling myself…you’re not going to cry, you’re not a giant pussy, you’re a badass…well, my behavior was WELL below the badass level…I think it qualified more as pansy ass behavior. Oh well. Now I have to find a court outfit.

So, on to my Whole30 failures! I could say that I messed up because I was upset about my friend blowing me off for the weekend, or about getting a speeding ticket, but that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is, when I knew I was available to go on the trip, I thought about not going solely so that I could stay on track with my Whole30. As soon as I realized that I was thinking about missing one of my best friend’s bach parties just so I could not injest certain things for a couple days, I realized that isn’t the kind of life I want to lead. I don’t have a problem with not drinking for a few weeks, or eating a very limited diet that makes my body feel better. Obviously I never would have wanted to begin the Whole30 if that wasn’t what I wanted. However, more than I want to eat and drink a certain way, I want to LIVE my life to the fullest. And that means going on bach parties, eating pizza, being hungover, eating peeps soaked in vodka, and drinking mimosas at 10:30am once in a while.  I will in fact have the rest of my life to eat healthy and restrict myself in whatever way I see fit (although I really have to remember to eat a certain way…I almost had a bite of cheese this morning out of habit!!)

Look at these peeps!!!

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Anywho, I’m back on the express healthy train. It’s going to be more like Whole24 now, because on May 3rd it is another best friend’s bach party (damn you people and your fun parties in neat places with good food!) and this one I’m planning, so I’m definitely going to imbibe. And munch on snacks that will make my tummy hurt. Because sometimes, life is worth living, even if it makes you feel crappy the next day.

Whole30 Challenge?!

Since I completed the half marathon a few weeks ago, I’ve had to lay off the gym/running a bit due to my knee being a little off. I figured giving it a break would be the best idea. You know what ISN’T the best idea?? To eat like a wolverine while you aren’t exercising at all!! I’ve totally gained like 5lbs back in about three weeks, which is really annoying. However, it’s all my fault, so I’m not about to get bent out of shape about it. Most of those cheats were in alcoholic form, which means I had a good time cheating, and I like good times. But, the ‘hey, let’s party and eat like we have 21 year old bodies with crazy fast metabolism’ days are over for the time being. Time to get serious again for a while (until the bachelorette party I have the first week of May anyway!).

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I would commit to no alcohol during the week of April, which would help me get my health and fitness back on track again. However, when it comes down to it, I have to get even more serious, and need to also focus on the food I’m taking in. When I was at my most strict, and eating almost completely paleo, I felt my best. That’s where I’d like to get back to.

So, after long deliberation, I’ve decided to commit to completing the Whole30 Program, which can be found here: http://whole9life.com/2012/08/the-whole30-program/. This program is outlined thoroughly on the website, and is completely free, so really, the commitment of finishing is all to myself, and nobody else. However, now that I’m broadcasting it here…I’d look pretty bad if I gave up!

Here is the basic outline of the program:

For 30 days, none of the following:

  • No added sugar, including maple syrup, stevia, splenda, etc.
  • No alcohol of any kind.
  • No grains whatsoever.
  • No legumes.
  • No carrageenan, sulfites, or MSG.
  • No dairy.
  • No white potatoes. (sweet potatoes = A OK)
  • Also, no weighing myself for the duration, as this isn’t the point of the program…this is a tricky one for me, I like to check in!
  • No attempting to make “paleo” desserts/breads/treats…there go my sweet potato brownies!!! 😦

Basically that’s it…super strict paleo eating…I think it’s gonna be hard, but I’m committed!! To all my friends…be supportive! Don’t offer me wine and yell at me if I start to slip up! Wish me luck!!!